When I first left my abusive JW husband I continued to attend meetings. Talk about treated unfairly. Because I had 'no grounds' for leaving him I was the constant butt of elders visits and the pariah of the gossipy sisters. Although before the separation we were accasionally asked to dinner, following it I was fortunate if I had a single sole speak to me at the meetings. This is just one example I have many more where my children were left out of social activities but will concentrate on this one. The final straw.
I recall sitting at a bookstudy with the two sisters who studied with my preteen daughters in attendance. The WHOLE group was discussing transport, times etc for the public holiday (christmas day) picnic they had planned. My girls looked at me with excitement anticipating a lovely day out by the beach ( my husband did not let me have the car) I was completely ignored and since we were obviously not 'included' after a few minutes we left. The sisters studying with my girls did not call or arrange to take them. A week later EXACTLY the same thing happened in regard to the New Years Day public holiday. My children were going to be segregated because of my decision to leave my violent husband!?! That public holiday I accepted an invitation to a BBQ from some worldy neighbours, something that went against my conscience mind you but I was so lonely. That was the beginning of the end. Bad associations spoil useful habits...THEY WERE RIGHT!!!
I was disfellowshipped a few weeks later. They were sooo looking for an excuse to get rid of me.
The turmoil inside me was indescribable, until now and finding your group. I think you all would understand.
During visits from the elders after leaving my husband one said to me, "since you no longer have a husband then we will have to be your husband for you and make your decisions as you are incapable." No lie. They were his exact words. Embedded in my mind up to this day. I felt lost and incapable that is true, I had lived at home until 18 when I married and I had never been alone, but to be told that in such a way just shows their opinion of women.
While on this topic, much of my ex husbands frustration (which he took out on me) came from not being able to climb the ladder in the congregation. He was still only doing 'mikes' at 28 years old. Oh my dear. His peers were ministerial servants or had parts in running the meetings! He couldnt see it was because he didnt have the connections required to move up. We had moved around a bit as that is what violent abusive men do. They move on to ensure their wife doesn't get too friendly with anyone and possible confide in them.
Anyway, I have gone on a bit too much. The simple answer is YES, I have been treated unfairly in the congreagation! I guess I feel I have found somewhere to vent after 20 years so there is a bit of a build up!
Warm hugs to all and thanks for the welcomes.
oh and the "corpse" bit in my moniker is because I feel dead inside.
